Exploring True Freedom: Reflections on July 4th and Personal Struggles

Happy belated Fourth of July to my American subscribers! Yesterday was a pretty quiet day for my family. We’re fairly low key when we’re home for the Fourth. That is, unless we’re in West Virginia visiting my relatives who live in that area.

Once again, my disability has been causing some issues. The wounds on my foot have healed, but I have an ingrown/infected toenail that I am squeamish about getting treated. (Bear with me, I’ll tie back to that in a moment with a disability anecdote. To quote Shakespeare [because I’m a nerd and I can’t resist the reference]:

“Though this be madness, yet there is method in’t.”

–Polonius in Hamlet Act II, Scene 2)

So, last night was fairly quiet for my family. We took in a televised ball game. My home bleeds LA Dodger Blue (a long story for another entry). We’d hoped to watch our team score another win. Sadly, they lost, but it gave me time with my parents that I thoroughly enjoyed.

I’ve been thinking a lot in the weeks leading up to the celebration of yesterday. The anniversary of the independence of the United States got me thinking about what that freedom really means. Specifically, is it true freedom and equality? Or, as my original title for this blog entry asked: How free are we, really?

What happens when we get caught up in fear, and uncertainty What happens when we force rejection on people who don’t look like us, and aren’t treated equally because we’re different? What about people who are from another country? What about people like me with disabilities? Some have to beg to have proper accommodations or adjust in situations where they’re needed? Or adjust when there are none?

There are many people for whom July 4th is simply another day, even in America. In recent years, many Americans of color have taken to abandoning the celebration of July 4. Instead, they celebrate earlier on June 19, or “Juneteenth”. That’s the day in 1865 when the final enforcement of the Emancipation Proclamation was ordered in Texas. Black slaves there (and in some parts of Northern Mexico) were told they were freed men. The day has come to be known as “Black Independence Day” or “Jubilee Day. “

Now, 249 years after most Americans had their independence, I wonder, are we truly free? Or, have we fallen into a new type of slavery? For me, celebrations of that freedom bring anxiety.

Because of my Cerebral Palsy diagnosis, I suffer from a reflexive tendency to startle at the sound of loud noises. Some are loud enough to reduce me to tears. And now, with this injury to my toe, I really start to wonder:

How free am I (In every sense of the word)? How free am I, when I’m afraid to even bear the potential pain of having an infection treated or a dead toenail removed? How free am I, when I’m still scared by loud noises? How free am I, when I still can’t speak out against the injustice done to those who don’t look like me? How free am I, when I cannot use that freedom to assist the marginalized in some way?

And then, there’s the hardest one for me, personally, in this season of my life:

How free am I, if I’m paralyzed against fulfilling my calling because I’ve fallen into comfort with my disability?

I took a very major, very frightening (for me) step this week for my author journey that I’d been holding off on, out of a place of fear and depression. But again, that’s a story for another blog that I’ll talk about once it’s fully in place.

But there’s also something else I’m holding back: for several weeks now, I’ve been refusing to seek professional help for an ingrown toenail that we believe has become infected and needs to be removed. I’m scared of the pain. I keep hoping it will miraculously heal up and I won’t have to go to the doctor. Another effect of Cerebral Palsy affecting legs and feet — I have minimal feeling there, and in my legs, but when something there hurts, it is excruciating.

And yet, I’ve borne the pain. Admittedly, much longer than I should have, out of fear. Because I hate dealing with anything involving my feet, because of low tolerance for pain and my startle reflex.

So, how free am I, really?

In reality, if I would embrace it, more than I know. Galatians 4-5 talks about freedom for slaves through the lens of Hagar.

Tell me, you who want to be under the law, are you not aware of what the law says? For it is written that Abraham had two sons, one by the slave woman and the other by the free woman. His son by the slave woman was born according to the flesh, but his son by the free woman was born as the result of a divine promise. These things are being taken figuratively: The women represent two covenants. One covenant is from Mount Sinai and bears children who are to be slaves: This is Hagar. Now Hagar stands for Mount Sinai in Arabia and corresponds to the present city of Jerusalem, because she is in slavery with her children. For it is written: “Be glad, barren woman, you who never bore a child; shout for joy and cry aloud, you who were never in labor; because more are the children of the desolate woman than of her who has a husband.”Now you, brothers and sisters, like Isaac, are children of promise. At that time the son born according to the flesh persecuted the son born by the power of the Spirit. It is the same now. But what does Scripture say? “Get rid of the slave woman and her son, for the slave woman’s son will never share in the inheritance with the free woman’s son.” Therefore, brothers and sisters, we are not children of the slave woman, but of the free woman. It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery.

-Galatians 4:28-5:3

We are free. No longer bound to the law or sin or fear, through Christ. No longer meant to let those divisions hold us back. But we have to choose to walk in that freedom. It starts by accepting what Christ has for us. Healing. Fearlessness. Redemption. Salvation. Love. Freedom.

So, how free are you really? And how do you celebrate that freedom? Let’s talk in the comments.