Reflex and Reflection

Sometimes I wonder about my own body. Dealing with Cerebral Palsy, I have a lot of issues with reflexes and muscle pain. There are days when it’s all I can do to get out of bed, something I struggle with anyway because it’s nearly impossible for me to flex at the ankles. I also have a lot of other health issues that are unrelated to my CP.

I’ve often wondered why it’s so hard for me to write characters that are like me. I question if I shy away on impulse because there is something I’m terrified of “getting wrong”, since there are so many variants of Cerebral Palsy, and they all look so different. There’s a lot of weight to that word, “wrong”.

It’s a question I used to get asked as a child and young adult, often by younger kids: “What’s wrong with you, that you can’t walk?” I wanted to tell them that I was just a little different, that I didn’t want to be viewed as having something “wrong with me”. It hurt, in a way, and in other ways it made me curious.

I’ve spoken before on this blog about the cognitive dissonance of the current discourse around terminology, and representation. It’s one of the reasons I haven’t yet included a character who uses mobility aids in my work (Though I might be breaking out of that shell in my current work in progress, which features a character who utilizes crutches).

Why was I in such pain? Why was it automatically assumed that something had to be wrong with me? Now, as I become more reflective, in an attempt to beat the reflexive inner flinch that comes with questions, I want to ask my readers:

What questions do you have about Cerebral Palsy, and how it affects people like me? How can I help shed some light on this topic? Let me know in your comments this week.